Nothing Plain

Have you met my friend Jane?
She wears a fat gold chain,
a dress with a long train
that’s as thin as cellophane.

She twirls a carved wood cane,
lives life in the fast lane.
She only drinks champagne
(on top of the cocaine).

Her dog is a Great Dane
She’s dyed him candy cane.
He’ll give you a migraine.
At the very least eye strain!

If you ask her to explain
She’ll just shriek ‘NOTHING PLAIN’
then with a look of pain
sigh, ‘Please don’t speak again.’

It’s hard to ascertain
quite what is wrong with Jane.
She’s probably insane
but I’m not one to complain.