Notes To Those About to Jump

All in all it's very sad
when people's parachutes go bad
It's quite enough to make you cry
as they come hurtling from the sky
screaming with their final breath
and plunging to a messy death.

I saw one once whose 'chute had failed.
(You wouldn't believe how much she flailed.)
Her legs and arms windmilled around
right up until she hit the ground.
At that point (and this is rather sick)
she just became a bloody slick.
Her parents got in quite a muddle
When they saw their daughter was now a puddle.

But you've got to see the funny side
as for every parachutist who died
there's loads who had a super time
and landed on their feet just fine.

So if out of your party three or four
end up as ghastly heaps of gore,
just tell their families to be realistic
and quote to them these great statistics
then help them out by saying, 'fuck it.
Let's collect your kid. I'll get a bucket'.