An Announcement For Women

Summer’s here, I’ll wear dark glasses
and slyly check out all your arses.
Of course, I’ll try to be discreet
each time you pass me on the street
but, as I grade you out of ten,
I’m bound to notice other men
who stare and leer. I’ll meet their eyes
and nod and smirk because we’re guys
just doing all the stuff guys do
which, now it’s warm, is ogling you.
I know that sounds hashtag MeToo
but nonetheless it’s what we’ll do.

I’ll trace that sweet curve of your breast.
It doesn’t matter how you’re dressed
but if you think I ought to stop,
why wear that sexy halter top?
You chose to wear that tiny skirt
so why pretend you’re all butt-hurt?
You chose to get that gorgeous tan
and did so knowing I’m a man.
You say you’re not a piece of meat
and yet you hang out in the street
like veal chops in a butcher’s shop.
You’re bound to get stared at non-stop
which is, let’s face it, what you want.
Although you act all nonchalant,
you love the fact that old men stare
and, on the tube, we smell your hair
and push our crotches into you
as though that’s what commuters do.
Then later, as we masturbate,
we have your hair to contemplate.
You volunteered that piece of you
when you bought lemongrass shampoo.
You knew we can’t resist that scent
yet bang on now about consent.
It’s obvious that you don’t care
about the fact that what you wear
wakes up red-blooded men like me
and that’s what you cunts hate to see.

See what you’ve done? I’m angry now!
It’s all your fault, you fucking cow!!
You made me lose my chill with you!
I’d better simmer down now, Boo,
splash my face with cold tap water
and get home to my wife and daughter.